Inner Spirits and Trance States

I recently read an article on one's inner warrior. At the time I more or less skimmed the read, feeling a glow of thankfulness that the spaces I've recently been moving through haven't necessitated channeling my inner (and oft neglected) warrior. By nature and by nurture, I am a person of peace. I dislike conflict. I thrive when we, as human beings, can harmonize, exchange songs, listen to others' melodies.

But everything, including that article I read, comes across our path at the right time and for the right reasons. After a conflict (which conflicts are unavoidable as our own humanness, I know), I took myself to a quiet, solitary place to wander into my feelings. Immediately I knew I handled my response from a place of peace, centerness, from my own truth (lower case "t"). I swam through numbness, tried to feel sadness, encouraged the presence of cleansing tears. Then it hit me; I wasn't sad. I was angry. I was indigent. I was righteously, justly, exquisitely enraged that someone dump their trash onto my lawn.

As women, we are socialized to suppress anger, to always forgive, to smile, to calm down. Yet anger comes to us with vital lessons. To feel anger is to feel one side of the diamond of life. To feel angry, to channel it purposefully, to protect ourselves, to celebrate ourselves in the face of harm others may intentionally or unintentionally cause us is powerful, empowering, and ever so important.

So I gave into my rage, into those blistering feelings. I screamed. I danced. I fought for myself, for my space to inhabit this planet, to own the superb being that is me. To do so was to be true to myself, to my needs, to the being that I am at this time in my life, to show myself respect and love and acceptance.

This is not a post about revenge. This is not a post about festering feelings. This is not a post about doing others harm because they harmed you. This is a post about ownership of self, of feelings, of states of being, of our perfectly imperfect humanness. Anger is as natural as bliss. So be angry!

At times I am able to enter trance states. This event in my life triggered one of those miraculous out-of-body, other-body experiences. I channeled my inner warrior.

We all carry within us various spirits who represent aspects of who we are. Sometimes we merely sense them; sometimes we are them; sometimes we watch them; sometimes we stand face-to-face and interact with them.

My inner warrior is graceful, exacting with her kills. She comes to the table to negotiate, however, from a place of peace and inner calm. She contains within her two spirits, one masculine, one feminine, contains duality of self-expression and genitalia; she has several wives. She is more than human.

When she realized I was a visitor to her dimension, she recognized me. We did not need to speak. She laid on a mat and invited me to devour her. So I did. I consumed her from her intestines to her lungs to her heart until I hollowed out enough space to lay down inside her body. I lay face up, slid my arms into her arms, my legs inside her legs. I wore her. She became my skin. I felt her strength envelop me. I understood that she was me, that she was separate from me, a state I can call on whenever I need, that the essence of my warrior is not to harm or kill but to love and protect.

I experienced several more spirits that night, though none as viscerally as I did my warrior. 

How incredible and enlightening this experience, how important the entire spectrum of human emotions are to our growth. Without that recent conflict, I probably would not have entered this particular trance state. So feel what you feel. Label no feeling as good or bad but rather as a learning experience and also a state that will come and go, then come and go again.

Today I encourage you to go into the aspects of self that may scare you, that you may suppress due to societal or familial conditioning. Embrace each facet of the diamond of your life that makes you uniquely you. You have nothing to fear from yourself and everything to gain.

With strength and fierce love,


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